Relationships: Truly Altruistic
For the love of a child
By Leslie Roman-Williams

The essence of nursing is compassionate care.

The essence of parenting is love.

The essence of caring for a child with special needs is patience and understanding.

Put all of these together and you will get some sense of what it is like when a nurse takes on the complex role of foster parent to a child with special needs.

Children’s Services of Virginia Inc. is one of the agencies in the country making a significant commitment to seek out nurses to be foster parents of special-needs children.

CSV is a licensed, private agency that coordinates foster care and adoption services, particularly for children under the age of 18 who have been exposed to abuse and neglect.

Ralph Berry, who is trainer, recruiter and spokesperson for CSV and has a master’s degree in counseling and ministry, notes that there is an increased need for foster placements, but the demand is most acute for children who have medical concerns best monitored by professionals who have knowledge of the condition and treatments.

“We receive more and more referrals for children with medical issues, such as needing apnea monitors, feeding tubes, nebulizers and tracheotomy tubes, and with conditions such as sickle cell disease, juvenile diabetes, epilepsy, pregnancy, HIV and deafness.”

He adds, “One child referred to our agency was deaf. His parents would never take him to the doctor when he had an ear infection so he lost his hearing. We desperately need foster parents who know how to sign.

“Another child had juvenile diabetes. His parents were mentally challenged and could not keep him on his diet. We also had a child who would wet himself day and night. His parents beat him for years for this. He had his very first full medical evaluation here in foster care and it was determined he had a rare kidney and liver disorder and is now on a transplant list. He was unable to tell whether his bladder was full or not due to this disorder. We have had babies born HIV-positive, a year-old infant who had multiple fractures, and babies who were victims of shaken-baby syndrome.

“I could go on and on. We prefer these children to go to foster families who have a medical background. We desperately need more in the medical profession — nurses, but physical therapists, respiratory therapists, and EMTs as well — to step forward and become foster parents.”

Denise Martin is a registered nurse in Virginia who has experienced the challenges and rewards of becoming a foster parent to a child with special needs.

She is married with two biological children, a 10-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl. Martin has been a foster parent since 1998, with multiple placements of various lengths of term and diagnoses. She has worked in a critical care unit since becoming a nurse in 2001.

Martin answers questions that prospective foster parents may have:

How has your experience as a nurse helped you in the decision to be a foster parent?
Actually, I made the decision to be a foster parent before the decision to become a nurse.

How has your awareness of medical or genetic issues been important in the process?
 I am in a unique position to better understand and help manage these issues along with the doctors, therapists and social workers involved with the child’s care. Foster parenting and nursing both require “multidisciplinary” collaboration. Being a foster parent also broadens my experience as a nurse to include more knowledge of mental health issues.

What was the overriding factor in your decision to foster parent?
Really, as “corny” as it sounds, for my husband and me the decision was a “calling.” We felt like it was something we really wanted to do. We have been blessed with so much and foster care is our way to share that with someone else. We also wanted our biological children to grow up with experiences being around others who might have a different life experience than they do and to know the joy of doing something for others. Also, in the families we grew up in, both my husband and I had experiences with foster brothers and sisters. We had one placement in my childhood home and my husband’s family had an uncountable number of placements, eight of which they adopted.

What did your family think?
You can imagine that this has not been a big issue for our families. Both have been supportive. Our biological children enjoy having someone else to play with.

What has been the biggest adjustment issue?
Children’s Services specializes in special-needs children. This can include a whole range of diagnoses and backgrounds for the child. Dealing with some of these diagnoses as a family has been very challenging at times.

What do you tell your child about the advantages of being a foster parent?
We tell our foster children that we’re here to be a safe place for them to live while they need it. Some of them are very comforted by that. The children always feel very torn because no matter what their biological parents have done, they always still want that relationship. We understand these feelings are normal and tell the child it’s okay to feel that way. This helps them not to feel as conflicted about their loyalties.

Are you planning for another child?
A few times we’ve thought maybe we were done, but I expect we’ll keep going for a while. As long as it’s an overall positive experience for our biological children, we’ll keep doing it.

Any challenges you didn’t expect in the process? Were they resolved?
We’ve had an unlimited amount of challenges — many unexpected! Fortunately Children’s Services has what I think are good ratios of social workers to children and the social workers are available when these issues arise. I call our social worker and report what is happening and it’s their job to work with me to find ways to resolve it. They can also obtain other resources the child might need such as mentoring or other therapies.

What else do you think nurses would like to know about foster parenting?
Nursing, I think, is often viewed as an altruistic profession. Society usually views foster parents in the same way. I guess both focus on helping others. For me, foster parenting is a way to round out what I do to serve in another needed area. I think as human beings, and especially as nurses, we have a social responsibility to contribute to our society in other ways besides what we do at work. Foster parenting is just how I’ve chosen to do that. I get the same satisfaction from helping a child as I do from helping a sick patient to get better. With both the foster child and with a patient at work you are intimately involved at a critical time in another person’s life and because of this you become an important part of their life experience.

Foster parents can be married or single. Since all medical and dental expenses are paid for foster children, there are no significant financial commitments for their care, and compensation is provided to the foster families.

Children’s Services of Virginia Inc. has established a Web site with information and frequently-asked questions at www.csv-inc.com. The agency also has a toll-free phone number, 888-380-4434.

All children deserve a safe, loving, nurturing environment. Who better than a nurse to provide exactly that kind of care?